Does it seem strange that there is no apparent concern from the leaders for the many, many people who are wounded? Why would so many people be willing to tell their painful stories, to open themselves up to more hurt, to open up those wounds and clean out the infection? Why would so many people ever make this up? Why would someone who has absolutely no skin in the game but a great deal of faith and expertise be willing to call out the leaders? Why would people be willing to produce a public forum in order to share their experiences?
Because it’s the truth. And because when you’re in the midst of it you don’t necessarily see it unless you dare to question or you’re working closely enough with the leaders to see what goes on. At one time, we all believed that we were in the best church around. We were told there were no other biblically sound churches except for ours and their church plants, but that’s a story for another time. We were told that the leaders were above reproach and basically not to be questioned. But when you do take your concerns to the leaders, you get shut down. Told not to worry, or told you’re in sin. “Just trust me.” “Just trust the elders.” They are given a “satisfactory explanation” and told not to talk about it because it would be divisive. Those phrases showed up among the refugees over and over.
Consider, if you will, the part of the Body who left. If you were there during what was later dubbed The Great Split, think about how involved many of them had been in various ministries or behind the scenes. Or how they dared to question the teacher in Bible Study on a biblical topic. Or how they dared to question whether what the elders had told them was true or right. Or just dared to ask for clarification. They were people of solid character. None were new believers. Some were scholars of Scripture and held the Word of God in very high regard. But they saw problems and they dared to confront the leadership.
After leaving, inquiring members were sometimes told that refugees had lied. That they probably weren’t actually believers. That they didn’t want to be contacted. That they gossiped. It’s not gossip to talk about your own true experiences, but, again, that’s a story for another time. Members were told that the men wouldn’t submit to the leadership. There are definite reasons why they wouldn’t submit, but that, too, is a story for another time, and it’s a doozy. Many of us have wondered why interactions in the community with people who are still there have been so awkward. We used to be friends. We were involved in ministry together, sometimes for years. But now we get fake smiles, turning away, obviously pretending they didn’t see you, and such discomfort--perhaps even fear, when they can’t avoid speaking to you in public. A few have been friendly and seem genuinely happy to see us. I am so thankful for those people, but they are the exception. If people believe that we are liars and apostate, that certainly could explain their uncomfortable reaction to encountering a refugee out in public.
Why don’t we usually hear the refugees’ side of the story? In part, the refugees are told we can’t talk about it. We’re immediately expunged from the directory and often from the lives of remaining members. And statistics show that spiritual abuse victims don’t speak out for the same reasons that rape victims don’t. Diane Langberg says, about people who tell the truth about their experiences, “We don’t realize the level of courage that has been displayed right in front of us. Particularly in Christendom, if you tell the story of surviving abuse, you’re not only going against the person who did it, you’re going against God’s people, you’re going against his church, which adds up to going against God. And survivors often lose their place in the church. They lose any status they had. They lose honor. They lose trust. All because of the things that were done to them.”
So why the disregard for so many people who are hurt? Not one word was mentioned about them from the pulpit. The congregation was never mentioned or implicated in the report or on this site, but there was a statement that the leaders were going to protect the congregation. From what? There is nothing to protect the congregants from. But that statement puts people on the defensive to feel like you’re being threatened. It's Us versus Them. But no one is attacking you. We simply offer the truth and the opportunity for you to know that if you have concerns of your own, you’re not alone. You’ve been told you can’t talk about it, but that isn’t true. Truth does not flee from scrutiny. Neither does Jesus. Neither should a shepherd. If you have questions or want to share your experience, find someone you know who left, or you can leave your contact info on the Questions page. Your communication will be confidential.
There are answers. There is healing. Jesus knows.
https://sola.network/article/spiritual-abuse-why-the-church-needs-to-talk-about-this-problem/