But You Know That They Have Left the Faith...

I am aware of a rumor that I have left the faith. I don’t know if the source of this information is from leadership or just the congregation, but this I know: it is a lie. Before I heard that this is what is being said about me, I had spoken with only one individual at GCC about my faith in God and my relationship with Him. She does not question whether I am a true believer in the Lord Jesus Christ. When I asked her before writing this if she had concerns, she stated that she has never questioned my salvation or my belief in the Lord, and considers me a mature believer. Other than this one person, no one from GCC has talked with me about my spiritual condition or how my walk with the Lord is going. I have had no conversation with anyone else from there having to do with any of this in the past seven years.

So, for those of you who are saying that I have left the faith, I can assure you that I have not. Therefore, what you are participating in is, by anyone’s definition, gossip and lying. That is, what you are repeating is false and without any facts or personal knowledge to back up the story. No one who has firsthand knowledge of my faith would make these claims about me, meaning that any discussion along those lines is completely unfounded. It is false testimony, from people with no basis on which to claim knowledge or authority in this matter.

I have heard that other former congregants are being talked about, with people saying that they also have left the faith. It was said about one woman that she had stopped going to church, when, in fact, she had not missed a single Sunday since leaving GCC except for illness. More lies. I actually have a recording of one of the elders lying directly about my husband and me, but that seems like a topic better suited for a separate post.

Sadly, I am not surprised by this situation. When you learn about high-control groups of any sort, you learn that it is common for the leadership and remaining members to attempt to discredit those who left, by lies and gossip, even while the organization’s leaders teach that lying and gossiping are wrong. I know where I stand with God, so it doesn’t really harm me, but if you are perpetuating the lies, please stop, for your own good.

If you have left this church or any other high-control group, do not be shocked if people lie about you. Lying about you is really common when you choose to leave the system, because they want to discredit you. The things you are saying can't possibly be true because you left the faith, or because you were never actually a believer, or you never really committed, or you were unwilling to submit to authority. God knows the truth, and you are not alone in this experience.

On a related note, I also understand that my current situation regarding church attendance has become a topic of interest and discussion among some folks at our previous church. So, let’s discuss a particular effect of spiritual abuse, whether you come from that same church or from a different high-control group. It is very common for people who have been harmed by church leadership or the church system to step away from it for a time. Some statistics show that a number of those victims may never return to the organized church. Many others, though, step away only temporarily from the system that harmed them and take some time to heal, to clarify their beliefs, and to find where and how they want to resume participating in a local church body. One comparison I read said that expecting a target of spiritual abuse to immediately step back into the church is like asking an abused wife to immediately remarry after a divorce from her abuser. Few reasonable people would expect her to do that. They would expect her to take a breath, find her footing, and heal before venturing back into that scenario, if she ever does. For some individuals whose spiritual leaders have broken their trust, it can be difficult to trust the church again. It can be difficult to trust church people again. It can be difficult to trust God again.

Because church leaders often claim to wield the authority of God, it can taint a person’s view of God. Often, scriptures have been twisted, and it takes time to untwist them and be able to love being in the Word again. If you struggle with that, start by switching to a different translation than the one used at your former church. If you’re not ready, do not worry. He will keep you. He will hold you fast. If He would leave the 99 to find the lost lamb and rejoice in finding it, He will also carry you through this season of healing. John 10 says, “My sheep hear my voice, I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all. No one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s Hand. I and the Father are one.” Salvation is about what God has done, not what we’ve done. It is about His power and His faithfulness, not our activities. It is our faith in what Jesus did, rather than our demonstration of our faithfulness to Him, that is the substance and assurance of our salvation.

That’s the most significant thing I have learned in the past year. I’ve been in church all of my life. In every place where we have lived, all across the country, we have found solid churches with good teaching. (We have moved seven times in the years we have been married.) I’ve always been very involved: singing in the choir since preschool, being a member (in all but two churches where we still served faithfully), leading Bible studies, hosting small groups and church events in my home, giving generously of tithes and offerings, teaching women at church and in the neighborhood, directing children’s choirs, directing handbell choirs, cooking and hospitality, light construction and renovation, teaching life skills, decorating, custodial work, working in the nursery, working as the church secretary, Vacation Bible School director, and lots and lots of music and Bible studies and activities. In the past, I’ve done all the things. Even at the time, I knew that these activities were not earning my salvation. They came from being committed to God and to the church. I wanted to serve God. I wanted to serve my church family. Then suddenly, this past year, I’ve done nothing in the church. It was very unfamiliar. Do you know what I’ve learned? My relationship with God does not depend on what I do. It has nothing to do with my righteous acts, which Isaiah describes as filthy rags. It’s not about how much I read the Bible or pray, or if I study a certain way, or read certain authors, or how much money we give, or how much time I spend at the church, or anything else I had been trained to see as so important. It’s all about what God did through Jesus for me. He loves me; he died for me; he carries me; he guides me, and he will bring me to be with him for eternity, regardless of me not doing all my righteous church stuff in this season. I have learned more about Him and his care for me in this last year than I ever knew in the rest of my very church-filled life.

I do believe I will be “in church” again. In the meantime, I have been gathering regularly with other believers. I have done a deep dive into theology and doctrine and differences among denominations, and I understand what I believe and why I believe it so much better than I used to when I just accepted what I was told to believe. I have been disentangling Biblical truth from twisted teachings and the traditions of man, some which I didn’t even realize I had been taught. I’ve listened to countless hours of local church services this past year, and I have visited some local churches. I’ve been learning what the church was about in the early days of Christianity, in the time of the New Testament. It’s a very different concept from what we typically experience in America in the 21st century.

Our monthly gatherings have been unexpectedly refreshing, and nearer to the concept of the New Testament church than one might expect. It’s been wonderful and freeing, being with others who know Christ and who are seeking Him, building one another up, and helping one another through difficult times. Nevertheless, this season is temporary. I’m still held by Christ, who is equipping me through this journey to help others through their own seasons of difficulty. The genuine relationships that have developed over the past year, where I can be raw and honest, not putting on a facade or persona to fit in, to be able to share my joys and my fears with other believers, to have them encourage me in my faith and correct me in my sin, has been amazing and incredibly freeing. I wouldn’t trade what I have learned in the past year for anything. God is good. All the time.