But Did You Follow Matthew 18?

The Report that is posted elsewhere on this website, a clinical analysis of a year of counseling of many in our group, calls out sin in the leadership of the church. The blog posts share the personal experiences of individuals and families, and information about various aspects of spiritual abuse in the church. As a group and as individuals, we love Christ’s Church. The Church is not a building or one local church body. The Church Universal is the Body of Christ, of which we are members. When people in the Body see sin in the church leadership, is it best to go away quietly and let it continue? Should we allow sin to go unchallenged for the sake of unity? That is what we all did because we were told not to be divisive and not to gossip, so we left quietly. People didn’t talk openly about their experiences. None of us knew that so many others had experienced the same things. Almost two years ago, we realized that the problems are still going on. It wasn't just two or three families. More families have left, and more people have talked about their experiences and the hurtful things that happened, and how their spiritual life, their relationship with God, their children’s views on relationships and life, and their children’s relationship with God and family have been harmed. This is not just hurt feelings. Quite certainly, this is not everyone’s experience. But if some people have not experienced something, does that mean that others have not?

Matthew, in chapter 18, instructs us that if we bring a matter of sin to a brother, and others give their testimony, and the brother still won’t listen, to bring it before the church. We have taken it to the elders. They have not listened. Some of this has been testified to in previous blog posts. But even if someone does not follow the Matthew 18 protocol, does it make the sinner less guilty? If someone is accused of sin and points to Matthew 18 not being followed, as if that indicates a lack of guilt or that therefore the accusations shouldn't be considered because they didn't follow the right protocol, that is simply a sign that they really don’t want to repent. It should not be used to deflect from the offense that occurred.

Many of us have rightly been asked if we took our concerns to the elders. The answer is yes, but to no avail. I don’t know of a single family who left who did not take their grievances to the leadership at some point. Most went to the elders multiple times over various things, and often it was an interaction with the elders that finally brought them to leave.

That being said, many biblical scholars interpret Matthew 18 as pertaining to confronting a brother, peer to peer, about a personal sin committed directly against you, and trying to keep it as private as possible. It is not about confronting someone in authority over you. Confronting someone who has power and authority over you is a completely different dynamic and the Bible offers a different protocol for that.  First Timothy 5:19-21 says, “Do not accept an accusation against an elder unless it can be confirmed by two or three witnesses. Those guilty of sin must be rebuked before all, as a warning to the rest. Before God and Christ Jesus and the elect angels I solemnly charge you to carry out these commands without prejudice [pre-judgement] or favoritism of any kind.”

So, how do we bring this before all? Some people have said that it is wrong to post the accusations and our experiences publicly. What is the biblical basis for that opinion? Paul confronted Peter publicly, in Galatians chapter 2, before the Jews and in front of the Gentiles. Peter was sinning publicly, and Paul confronted him publicly, “before all.” He did not take Peter aside privately. How did Jesus confront religious leaders? Jesus was very compassionate to sinful, hurting people, but he confronted the religious leaders very boldly, and very publicly. He didn’t take the Pharisees aside privately first. Jesus called out their sin before all, in front of believers and unbelievers. So far, no one we have asked, even those saying that our approach to share publicly has been wrong, has been able to suggest another way to allow the truth to be known and to bring the matter before all. What is a better way to tell the truth about sins that have been covered over or silenced or explained away? Perhaps we could have nailed our grievances to the church door. Do you prefer that sin and abuse of power would continue to be hidden? That would most certainly be easier for everyone, particularly those of us who have faced the social consequences of telling the truth about our experiences.

Today, if there were a denominational body that the leadership answered to, we would go to them, but there is no denominational oversight. At one time, GCC was part of the Southern Baptist Convention. During the 13-week New Members Class that I attended, Chris Riser stated that he knew they had needed to associate with some denomination “for credibility.” He said he considered the Presbyterians and the Baptists, because GCC was essentially “Presby-Baptist.” He chose the SBC, and the church contributed a minimum amount of money earmarked only for certain ministries he approved of. Some years later, once the church was well established, and giving the reason of disagreement over issues within the SBC, they withdrew from the SBC but did not align with another denomination who might offer oversight. Local pastors and elders from various area churches of different denominations are aware of and very concerned about what is happening at GCC, but they have no authority. There is no hierarchical governing body over the elders at GCC. There is no one with authority to look into the allegations. The GCC elders are accountable to no one.

Some have asked, if these issues were so great, and we followed the first two steps of Matthew 18, why did we not tell it to the church years ago? First, I ask you, is there a statute of limitations on sin? Second, studies show that people generally do not talk about spiritual abuse for the same reasons that rape victims do not talk about the rape. They feel confused, shamed, and isolated. According to Dr. Diane Langberg, the leaders who commit spiritual abuse are often gifted individuals and well-respected by the congregants. The abuse is often couched in terms of “submission” and “obedience” which, while biblical concepts, can be used to manipulate and control. Each family was quite isolated under the false teaching that it was gossip or slander to tell your own story, and we were not aware of the breadth and depth of wrongdoing. Almost everyone I’ve heard from has said the same thing: “I thought I was alone. I had no idea there were others who went through the same things!” We did not realize then that there were over 200 people who had similar experiences, but now we know. And yet, had we understood this years ago, would we actually have been allowed to tell the church? Does one go to their abuser to ask for their judgment on whether the behavior was abusive, and then ask their permission to tell the rest of the church body about it?

We are concerned for people who are unaware of the problems. Congregants attend for years and see nothing of these issues because they aren’t closely involved with the inner workings of the leadership. Others, who are quite involved but are blindly accepting of what the leadership says and wouldn't think of questioning, or those who do question but are very eager for a satisfactory explanation, likely will never see the things that we have seen. They want to believe that everything is just fine. If a matter is questioned, there is a sense of relief and acceptance when a plausible explanation is offered even if it’s not exactly accurate or not quite sufficient. They have invested so much of their time, their effort, their commitment, their loyalty, their identity, and their finances to this church. People don’t want their much-loved system to be disrupted. Very understandably, they don’t want to believe that there are problems within their church leadership. This is exactly how so many cases of all types of abuse are overlooked, covered up, and explained away in so many churches and also in secular organizations.

We don’t want anyone to be unaware of the issues. Each person I’ve heard from has spoken fondly of the good things of GCC; the friendships, the dedication to and the love of Scripture, and especially the many wonderful people who desire to obey God and to grow in their relationship with Him.  We believe people are free to stay, free to love GCC and to continue to invest their lives and finances there. But we also believe they should be aware of the undercurrents of manipulation and control so that they can make an informed decision and actually consent to the high levels of control they may now be unaware of.

When a sizeable group of people sees significant sin problems within the church leadership, and they realize that it is systemic and ongoing, is it more Biblical to allow sin to continue for the sake of unity, or should they confront the sin and try to warn the people? We have chosen to try to warn people.